Sant's gift for year 2010

X'mas this time is fun, good and most importantly (for me) communicative. I have my Bro-in-law and family this time to end my current year and to begin my next year with loads of fun and love and may be, most importantly to think about something nice and positive(surrounded with negative vibes all the time was blocking my capacity to think and feel good) .I feel happy and relaxed and enjoying myself. Last time (3months ago) when they left they gave me a whole lot of  merry moments as some vitamin tablets for my survival .And i am over and above joyful and thankful to GOD for sending them back for my benefit and happiness. I really don't have anything more to ask. As i am realizing very often that even in my toughest times and especially when i am completely about to loose my hope, i am gifted and surrounded with some of the best things that would just vanish my pain and leave me with happiness to hold back. Thank u god...thank u so so much for loving me and still holding me . This the bestest gift Santa gave me....and i now know for sure that i can happily say good-bye to year 2010...without any regrets....

Merry X'mas and Happy New year......:)

Thoughts

Nice thoughts, silly thoughts, funny thoughts, magical thoughts, cute thoughts, fearful thoughts, confused thoughts, sad thoughts, painful thoughts, blank thoughts, annoying thoughts, helpful thoughts, general thoughts, revengeful thoughts, venomous thoughts, tearful thoughts, romantic thoughts, friendly thoughts, nostalgic thoughts, daring thoughts, happy thoughts, joyful thoughts, blissful thoughts, sanctimonious thoughts, ...................all this and more in SILENCE........................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just another day...

Let me not think about planning out something.I have done that enough and seen myself end up in not being able to do it.Well...to clarify its not as in i cannot...its just that feel helpless. So i decided to prepare myself for certain things which again is a part of my planning. Isn't it complicated??? I mean i am here trying not to plan anything and ends up doing the same..!Duh...

Apparently keeping my self  glued to books and books and movies.....

missed chance...

There was once a chance that i didn't take.A chance that might have changed everything about me. A chance that might have been good on me or pushed me in hell. A chance if taken may have made my loved ones proud or left them sorry. A chance that could have changed the perspective of my life. A chance that was afterall a risk worth taken or not at all...
But the fact remains that it was a chance and it has no relevance today and should not have.Have you ever noticed that things that are not supposed to be yours are always tempting/attractive. It always looks good.Its a fantacy to own that.
Life gives everyone so many opportunities to take a chance and chanllenge your guts. But not all of them is meant for you. Some of them favours you and some don't. But the ones that doesnt, are the ones that helps you walk ahead in life with confidence. It helps you realise your weakness and excell them. Its an advatage.And the ones that you missed was not meant for you at all.....SO don't pause...keep moving in life...your next chance is waiting for you and make sure it is not missed.....:)

~cwp 19~

Veda..

Veda is a passionate girl. And she is quite fond of her family. For her family tops the lists of priority in life. She is the most lively, well-mannered ,talented , brilliant and the beautiful daughter of her parents and every other family desires to have a daughter like her until ......that one night when she makes a decision to shield her family from the dark secrets that's about to cleave the family bonding. And the decision is a curse on her. However, without any woe she not only accepts it but finds herself in love with it. A complex life which is made beautiful .......!

P.S .....thoughts about a girl ...just briefed...




~cwp 24~

Far away

Holidaying myself-Now this isn't easy and this is not something that i have actually ever done. But let me give a try. The fact about life that i learnt is that its a cluster of responsibilities..and it keeps growing.No matter how much i try and cut down my work load from my real life to relax myself, once out of parental shell, the responsibilities has no full stop. Sometimes it becomes so abundant that to remember myself as a human being is lost completely. Realization happens when someone aims at you and pour in their knowledge about health and related stuff or when my body send signals of not working anymore.
And this is LIFE. Is it???
Well, not particularly,i consider it subjective. Take for instance , if i had servants to take charge of cooking,cleaning,washing, ironing, maintaining and may be even looking after my kids, what am i left with ...absolutely nothing.Then possibly i might have thought of holidaying  near some beach , partying with my friends and giving my body the much needed massage at a spa. Relaxing my already relaxed mind/body .Enjoying my life without any idea of how otherwise this would have happened ?
But then its 'if'. And since i don't fall in that line..My life is indeed a cluster of responsibilities. And i need the much needed capsule named 'break'. Only to bring back the drained energy in me to be able to carry the load.....Lets see where can i start from.OK ..hmmm....well ...there is this place (no clue of its existance) which  i have been dreaming since my childhood. Its quite special for me. When i close my  eyes i see myself  standing near a  church that is surrounded with rich colours of nature. The breeze is so soft and light that when it passes by i close my eyes and i can feel its tender lips over my eyes.I feel light.I can hear birds chirping and its musical. Soothing away my ears.My heart is flying. I feel happy,eternal. There is no one around, yet i feel as if someone is talking to me.I talk , i cry .I love myself then. Its beautiful.I am all alone yet i am happy. I drive back on the roads that has no crowd. I can see cattle's on the near by farm. I can see mountains.The air is so fresh that i can get its taste. Its sunny yet its cool. I see crystal clear water finding its way over the pebbles towards its end.  Oh  how i wish if i was now at this beautiful place .
I have no idea if such a place ever exists. But i love this place. Its still in my dreams and hope i get to be there one day......far away.






~cwp 16~

Beautiful nights.......

Nights are always mine...have always been mine..
The night air speaks to me...i understand them...completely..
The moon ,the starts are all mine....i know them....
The silence is real.....its beautiful and sooths me..
The night light is my soul.....i am safe and i know my way...
I laugh, i cry, i talk..
..Nights are always mine...have always been mine..

something...

How i wished i was a flower ..

How i wished  i was loved...

How i wished i was admired..

How i wished i was captured..

How i wished i was discovered...

How i wished i was an invisible breath...

How i wished if  i could radiate...

How i wished i was colorful..

Oh oh...How i wished i was none above...for i am dead already!

happy alone???Nah..!

"The happiness of being alone"...Sometimes this phrase means so much and some other time it means/feels sinful..regretful...painful...There are obvious reasons when theses phrases/sentences pops up in your head and then all sorts of imaginative fictions filmy scenes appears. Oh i wished i could have a filmy ending then. Well life is not a film and so the ending is not in your hands and so it is unpredictable. But definitely there is something more that attracts you to this.You see you are not dependent on other, no worries, you live your life the way you want, you have your way of fun,can sleep and wake up whenever you wish to,you and not reporting to someone,no attendance. Watch movies anytime you want, shop anytime.You have everything you want under this sun (also keeping in mind the size of your pocket) But you enjoy to the fullest... isint..??Yes you do, but its only YOU and YOU..
 Life is best enjoyed when it is shared .Shared with the people you love, with those who care for you. No matter how much you do wrong you are loved by them (may be even more) Imagine how much more it would have been joyful when you watch movies with your loved ones and laugh at scenes that is tragic...laugh at things that is not stupid and laugh again thinking how stupid you acted .It would be so memorable, down the lane when you get old and older ,you only got these memories with you which brings back the smile on your wrinkled face.Its with these  people around you that made it happen. And its with you being not alone. 
Its true you come alone and u go alone. But there is something in between that has a filling. And its that filling that makes a huge impact. Weather you leave alone is decided by that filling.Either you leave ALONE or you leave back lots of memories for others, your loved ones, And yet you are not left alone.

family time

bro and family is here on vacation.....so enjoying every bit of life.....Yep it issssssss tiring...but no regrets....Sometimes tiredness is happiness and gives you the bestest sleep...:)

Missing

I miss my space..I miss my way of doing things..I miss my freedom... I miss being not criticized all the time i do anything my way.. I miss my cooking..I miss my sleep.. I miss roaming around..I miss trying out new stuff without being interrogated most of the time....I miss the word 'not miss'....................

pretty sunday.....

So there is nothing so much of happening around me...........Had a wonderful but abrupt Sunday at Soumya's  place..Esha was all well there until anu baby went off to sleep and esha too was sleepy but more of bored..So she didn't allow us to stay there for more time. Well may b good for them as poor girl needs to run for marathon on weekdays....so exit form their home was quite early...:) Hope to have a get together sooner....

Chao...

weekends

Isn't it funny..while u wait for week ends to come sooner and start planning and then when its already those two wonderful days of your hectic packed life, where u r free to do what ever u like,roam around, happy, stress free and drowned in that relaxation mood ,u no  more realise that u have actually wasted 2 days of ur life. Also you actually forget wht u could have done in that 2 days ..which might be more productive and infact more enjoyable to be scanned in your memory .Well it is a week end for me and here i am thinking what can be done today...i mean i haven't planned anything so far, sluggishly doing my chore...and yet wanting to do something different, coz the point is i am doing the same daily chores even today with a difference of it moving it slow...So whats the point...???I mean i am actually wasting my life..i need to make it more lively...Not necessarily going out..i can still have fun and enjoy at home and have more fun probably..with my lillte dolll nd hubby dear  ...Well actually she is quite  keeping me on my toes.....

Farewell:)

Eagerness to write something...forever

When i find a topic to write something , i am for sure, not in front of the computer/laptop, and by the time i get all set to write.... the passion is no more alive OR Esha doesn't allow me to do so(which at present she is trying her maximum to distract me and get me out of my seat). Most of my days are like this..I am packed with esha and her stuff.. and when  i get time i.e.when she goes off to sleep, i am either too tired to log in and put my thoughts down or else i am dozing off with her. Sometimes i compulsively try writing something(which never materialize) for fear of not be able to do it again. I do sometimes feel that i am not able to do my writings without any bumps and humps...that is without ease. Well may be i should do some writing course to get the knack of writing without any fullstops.
Why all about writing..????because i love to read stories and fiction books...and i love to visualize them as real..I love to tell stories , i would love to write and write, maybe not immediately....but later sometime.And so this quest for writing....wink:)

Pain.....

And the pain continues. Yes! wheather i am careful or careless, the pain that i will have to carry all my life had to sow its seed and so yet another fall . This one i know for sure is going to give me the hardest unberable pain in future.And if you are thinking that i did not use medications, then let me justify it, my stars were not  with me .The medical shop closed and also couldn apply any balm as nature knocked my doors and there too i could not stop whats on its way. So what do i do know...?? Still undergo medications  hoping that atleast to some degree i should be able to lessen the unpleasant feeling that is going to be conveyed to my brain by sensory neurons.

p.s... To see the future and not be able to do something about it, is a naked feeling.

funny it is!!

When i was a kiddo, i just awed watching young smart beautiful working ladies independently and confidently living their lives and just wanted and dreamed to b one like them and so longed longed and longed  to grow up faster and like my idols....But now when i am living that dream, i wish to go back and be a kiddo again.Dont ask me why....its not easy living this dream. But i know ,for sure, that this cannot be reversed and so i chose an alternative.... to live like a kid with my kid...:)
 And i am loving it!!!

NOTHING and CONFUSION

I am a natural observer, but i realized it quite late in my life. Though after that, not that i trained it better , but made a point to look out wide and wider.I am not pointing anyone (i do at times to please myself) and i am not saying it in loud; but i have had people around me who couldn't get my true interests and encourage me in it.No doubt they wanted me to have a better and happy life and so they rather required me to follow the traditional ways, which was never my interest. And what happened.

Admitting that i have not even closely  achieved the bare minimum, i am hereby now floating in the mid-way. So what did i achieve yet in my life...??? NOTHING and CONFUSION. So what do i do now/further?? Achieve it!.. Is it possible..?? How do i go about it?? Should i even try?? and the list goes on......nd on. I had been in a job for a very small time and i intensively enjoyed it (working as Pr executive). It gave me absolute satisfaction. I knew this is where i fit and will only augment my talent. This is one job that could only have helped me reach/meet my inner self BUT i am no more a free bird ,who could carelessly fly around anywhere. I have a family to take care of. I have a daughter who needs me 24/7 and I want to be for her.I want her to chase her dreams and better her talent.

Life for me now is like a tug of war , between my family /my world and my interests/inner self. Will this struggle ever come to a peaceful end ? I have no clue. I end my thoughts by quoting this--"The only pressure I'm under is the pressure I've put on myself." - Mark Messier

a mail

E-mails and other blogs and communication sites are logged into almost daily. Most of the e-mails would be forwards from friends and others spams.I like to keep my accounts a bit organised for my understanding...so i do delete the less important mails and keep  my inbox short and arranged.People have become so busy in their lives that to just be in touch they send fwds and yes occasional updates. SO checking mails has and is never interesting for me anymore..i just read the headlines and decide to weather go further or click delete.But there are also personal mails send and for me those mails means more and brings a smile on my face.One such mail was from my co-sister. Well she is more of a friend and a sister to me. Time spent with her is although for few months, but am sure it has lasted for a lifetime.A nicer person i have ever met. Whenever i think of her i just miss her and wish she was still next to me .A person with patience so high, that i just feel like borrowing some form her( for which i have nil). A learning experience and i know i would have known more if i spent more time with her. A mail from her is just a perfect thing i was looking for. And to know that i was able to satisfy her buy gifting her things that she desired for. Hope i get to be near to her soon..:)
love you chechi:)