NOTHING and CONFUSION

I am a natural observer, but i realized it quite late in my life. Though after that, not that i trained it better , but made a point to look out wide and wider.I am not pointing anyone (i do at times to please myself) and i am not saying it in loud; but i have had people around me who couldn't get my true interests and encourage me in it.No doubt they wanted me to have a better and happy life and so they rather required me to follow the traditional ways, which was never my interest. And what happened.

Admitting that i have not even closely  achieved the bare minimum, i am hereby now floating in the mid-way. So what did i achieve yet in my life...??? NOTHING and CONFUSION. So what do i do now/further?? Achieve it!.. Is it possible..?? How do i go about it?? Should i even try?? and the list goes on......nd on. I had been in a job for a very small time and i intensively enjoyed it (working as Pr executive). It gave me absolute satisfaction. I knew this is where i fit and will only augment my talent. This is one job that could only have helped me reach/meet my inner self BUT i am no more a free bird ,who could carelessly fly around anywhere. I have a family to take care of. I have a daughter who needs me 24/7 and I want to be for her.I want her to chase her dreams and better her talent.

Life for me now is like a tug of war , between my family /my world and my interests/inner self. Will this struggle ever come to a peaceful end ? I have no clue. I end my thoughts by quoting this--"The only pressure I'm under is the pressure I've put on myself." - Mark Messier

a mail

E-mails and other blogs and communication sites are logged into almost daily. Most of the e-mails would be forwards from friends and others spams.I like to keep my accounts a bit organised for my understanding...so i do delete the less important mails and keep  my inbox short and arranged.People have become so busy in their lives that to just be in touch they send fwds and yes occasional updates. SO checking mails has and is never interesting for me anymore..i just read the headlines and decide to weather go further or click delete.But there are also personal mails send and for me those mails means more and brings a smile on my face.One such mail was from my co-sister. Well she is more of a friend and a sister to me. Time spent with her is although for few months, but am sure it has lasted for a lifetime.A nicer person i have ever met. Whenever i think of her i just miss her and wish she was still next to me .A person with patience so high, that i just feel like borrowing some form her( for which i have nil). A learning experience and i know i would have known more if i spent more time with her. A mail from her is just a perfect thing i was looking for. And to know that i was able to satisfy her buy gifting her things that she desired for. Hope i get to be near to her soon..:)
love you chechi:)