"Leaving alone is about learning to believe things are as they appear that every day has no ulterior(secret) motive"

I came across this above phrase from a supplement, quoted by Arundhathi Subraminam. well actually it was a literary review on her new book "Where i Live". Frankly i have never heard about her, but after reading that article , there is an urge to read this one. I feel that i can probably connect myself with what she has written or may be agree to here thoughts. Some of my thoughts and feelings that are formed by the surrounding circumstances and the makers; makes me confused and left alone. Many of them i am not able to share anymore with anyone , for i know it would be meaningless and would make no sense knocking the same topic once again. And so i have started to keep some of my feeling with me (i am otherwise a bit gabby!). Well yet again a new change in me, from being an expressive person to started holding back myself. Which is very unlike me. Anyways, Ms Arundhathi's book is on my list of 'to read 'books. Hope i am not disappointed.

;)

Me and 'no time'

I have been struggling and trying hard in finding some extra time to write down my thoughts...but some how i find none.:(.
Don't want to blame any as don't know whom to blame...!!
There is so many celebrations , occasions in my life happening around that i just feel like saving it somewhere...but some how i find no time...how is it possible...???
I read about ppl managing so much of social activities along with their personal life...and still find lots of time to go about doing other commitments...and here i am ...not finding 'the time'...:(
Gosh....i do think if its my time management that has to be re-arranged...??
Well what ever it is i need to hurry up as the lost time cannot be received...
so promising my self to come back soon and write ...i close for the today while justifying my act of satisfaction..heheh..!!

Patient is the word!!!

hmmm....i know i know....the word "patient" is not connected to me....but then off late i realised that i had to imbibe it to my daily life. Sounds funny...hmm..but its not.
I wanted to save this word in my life as i knew ; without this i may loose my loved once for ever. I knew that i am short tempered and lack patience..but i guess i took that for granted and thought things would fall into its own places when, if ever, things go wrong. But no i was absolutely wrong; infact things started falling off and i was going mad; not able to think good and fearing that i might do or say something , only to see that my ppl are hurt.
I wanted to speak and spill out things that was running in my mind , that i knew was stronger and akin to a fatal poison. I knew it back in my mind that my short temperament was poisoning my thoughts..i was loosing control over it.. :(
May be it got aggravated due to my hormonal changes that i am undergoing now(going to b a mom :-I)..but i knew even this is lame excuse.

As usual i had the man in my life who is the translator of my thoughts and shows me a path to a happy side of life. Speaking to raj was even fearful..i had to explain him things that i dint mean but is happening to me..i wanted to burst and cry loud to tell him that i am going crazy, i need help and that i had tried to come out of it...
Knowing that the situation is the most delicate one..and knowing that he might have to face it one day...raj was prepared and had a solution to it....he did pull me out of the tangled web easily.

His words , his explanation and yes of course his patient manner of handling things..did push me to think and work for changing myself..and being patient to this world!!!
I have decided to do so ... i do not want to loose the people whom i love the most..they are my only real treasure....i have...

love u muttu.........and thanks for being there .....all the time....:)